Tic Tac, sir?


So there you are, urgently searching the internet for something that is anything but urgent, when it happens... your eyes are assaulted by one or more of those repulsive teeth whitening web-ads. Eeheeyoo. Disgusto! What would otherwise be a supermodel-ish person, is obscured by teeth so yellow, that on a color wheel they are somewhere between that yucky liquid-lard you pump-squirt on your movie popcorn, and motor oil-after 3,000+ miles. The pictures used in these ads are far-gone unatural in color, relative to the person featured. It's as though, somewhere out there, there is a male or female who drives a ferarri, lives on a beach, is 4% body fat, retired at 29 with a "google" fortune, and yet, forgot to brush their teeth for the last 20 years on a diet of nothing but "milk duds" and AA batteries. The upside to these ads however, is that I can see what the likely outcome of pursuing the advertised teeth whitening will be (see list above). Finally, I am flummoxed for resisting the urge to move the arrow over the otherwise perfect person's mouth to remedy the egg-yolk anomaly. Doing so is reminiscent of playing "Oregon Trail" in the 97 degree computer lab at Manilla Elementary, pondering if you really could purchase 10 bicycles for the price of one computer as Mr. Giles roared, while explaining the gravity of computer appreciation/abuse. Oh by the way, I never could shoot fast enough to bag that antelope...you know the one.