Tic Tac, sir?


So there you are, urgently searching the internet for something that is anything but urgent, when it happens... your eyes are assaulted by one or more of those repulsive teeth whitening web-ads. Eeheeyoo. Disgusto! What would otherwise be a supermodel-ish person, is obscured by teeth so yellow, that on a color wheel they are somewhere between that yucky liquid-lard you pump-squirt on your movie popcorn, and motor oil-after 3,000+ miles. The pictures used in these ads are far-gone unatural in color, relative to the person featured. It's as though, somewhere out there, there is a male or female who drives a ferarri, lives on a beach, is 4% body fat, retired at 29 with a "google" fortune, and yet, forgot to brush their teeth for the last 20 years on a diet of nothing but "milk duds" and AA batteries. The upside to these ads however, is that I can see what the likely outcome of pursuing the advertised teeth whitening will be (see list above). Finally, I am flummoxed for resisting the urge to move the arrow over the otherwise perfect person's mouth to remedy the egg-yolk anomaly. Doing so is reminiscent of playing "Oregon Trail" in the 97 degree computer lab at Manilla Elementary, pondering if you really could purchase 10 bicycles for the price of one computer as Mr. Giles roared, while explaining the gravity of computer appreciation/abuse. Oh by the way, I never could shoot fast enough to bag that antelope...you know the one.

Is that a Human Smell???

Anybody out there remember this Purple…Mammal?  Yep… It’s Grimace. Anyway, I think he’s a mammal, as he does appear to have hair. If we were judging his make-up and composition on the “animal, mineral, or vegetable” criteria, I know I would be willing to place his purpleness in the animal category. I guess if we are going to get technical, we would label Grimace as an anthropomorphic purple being. Although Grimace was a villain in his first campaign, his role was quickly reprised as to be a “good guy”--an integral part of the McDonald’s gang—whose clumsy antics provided a comedic component to the posse.
Oh, gone are the days when something purple and enormous were sufficient to satisfy your personal fantasy-land. If you are mounting a “what about Barney” defense to this thesis, all I can say is, at least they gave his purple-mass a few toe nails and spots. Grimace is somewhere between a gum-drop and a suppository in both shape and color. But before I relegate His perrywinkleness insignificant, it might be worthwhile to note that, with great expectancy I hurried to the Playland post-Happymeal to get inside Grimace’s gut, running hog-wild around the bars (see attached picture if I’m sounding medicated).

So what’s a grimace to you? By definition, a grimace is: "a noun, meaning an ugly twisted expression on a person’s face typically expressing disgust, pain, or wry amusement."  I am of the persuasion that the practical use of the word “grimace,” has grown archaic. Notwithstanding, it still has very specific uses limited to the facial contortions that occur responsively to malodorous smells. Point of fact, we recently acquired a piano—which I am convinced stinks like “Rice-A-Roni.” Even as I sit here working the keys of this instructive, I am grimacing at the pungent odor of the “San Francisco Treat."  There’s another smell issue to address... were the “Rice-A-Roni” smell coming off of a well intentioned stove-top, I would ride the rail down memory-lane to when mum and dad left us kids to ourselves with a box of R&R to stave off starvation during their “date-night” escape.  Whereas, it is NOT coming from a stove, but a piano, I am compelled to dry heave. It’s really messing with my mind. 

A grimace has ensued…

Someone to depend on…

Recent events at work have caused me to consider the value of a good wingman. You know… Goose & Maverick, Tango & Cash, He-Man & Man-At-Arms, Riggs & Murtaugh, John McClane and Carl Winslow (from TV’s Family Matters), Tom Hanks & the volleyball, etc.…which brings my attention to what might possibly be the greatest tag-team of all time—

Willow & Meegosh

In case time has challenged your ability to recall this esoteric duo, allow me to refresh your memory by saying that these two are undoubtedly the greatest Nelwins to ever showcase a silver-screen. Together, they are the ultimate in Nelwin courage, strength and endurance. While Willow is endowed with great wisdom and a sense of adventure, Meegosh adorns pure loyalty, and a generosity that could only be rivaled by an Elko slot-machine; together they prove that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Whether the challenge be a mystical DaiQuini baby, trolls, Nokmore soldiers, Burglecut, or Brownies, these two stuck together and backed each other up better than a Ken Garff Hyundai.

Although many of us have unceremoniously consigned Meegosh to oblivion, let us take this opportunity to recall and espouse his virtues as a partner/wingman. Like many great wingmen in history, what solidifies Meegosh’s stature as a solid, is his given ability to be a strong leader himself. After all, good leaders are generally good wingmen. President Ronald W. Reagan summed it up this way: “There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go if he doesn’t mind who gets the credit.” Surely Meegosh adhered to this creed as he helped Willow Ufgood care for Alora Dannon.

So… here’s to all of us Meegoshes out there. Even when you might feel like you are just a insignificant Nelwin, you have an ability that is uniquely yours… in fact, you might just be the only one who can help the Willow’s of the world defeat the Queen Bavmorda’s.

POSTLUDE:
Although Meegosh is a Nelwin, a Nelwin who did not go on to experience the cinematic success of his friend Willow Ufgood (Willow had critical roles in “Return of the Jedi,” “Ewoks, Battle for Endor,” “Harry Potter” series, and my personal favorite, the title character of “Leprechaun,” whose success spawned no fewer than 5 sequels), he is a great example of leadership and learning. I also think I saw Meegosh in the Washington, SeaTac airport (I’m serious).